Aging prompts changes for everyone in terms of physical appearance and emotional well-being. Women in particular go through various life changes that can make perimenopause and menopause feel all-consuming. Besides feeling different, women can also feel less inspired when it comes to what’s happening in the bedroom.
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How Hormonal Changes Affect Intimacy
Women’s hormones are constantly changing. Decade to decade, there are significant shifts in estrogen — starting with puberty and continuing through menopause. During perimenopause and menopause, estrogen levels drop. This natural decrease marks the end of a woman’s reproductive years.
In conjunction with these hormonal changes, many women experience shifts in their libido and arousal levels. Lower estrogen levels can lead to vaginal dryness, thinning of the vaginal walls, and reduced lubrication. All of these symptoms can make sex more painful as well. Hot flashes and night sweats can trigger fatigue and irritability, making the mere thought of being intimate with your partner seem like a chore rather than a pleasure.
It’s important to remember that these hormonal shifts are normal and that you are not alone in how you’re feeling. Fortunately, there are over-the-counter solutions and natural remedies that may help you feel like yourself again.
Products and Remedies to Consider
Take a look at the “female health” aisle at your local pharmacy, and you’ll likely be greeted with a wall of products claiming to help make intimacy more pleasurable. While many of these products may be helpful, here are some general recommendations to consider.
Moisturizers
If you’re experiencing dryness and irritation or finding sex to be painful, then it’s worth starting with a vaginal moisturizer. These are designed to help reduce friction and soothe the area. Many of these can be used daily and are inserted into the vaginal canal for relief.
Lubricants
Another option is lubricants, which are either water-based, silicone-based, or oil-based. Some of these types are safe to use with condoms, while others are not. Read the directions carefully before purchase to know when to use and how to use them correctly.
Adult Toys
It may seem counterintuitive to use an adult toy if you’re experiencing irritation and pain; however, some toys can help increase natural lubrication through stimulation and pleasure. Also, if your hormonal changes are causing you to feel unaroused, then adult toys can help in that department, too.
Pelvic Floor Exercises
You may be familiar with pelvic floor exercises if you experienced childbirth. These slow, intentional movements help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which can help enhance feeling and sensation.
Diet and Food Considerations
Lastly, certain foods can also be beneficial for your vaginal symptoms. Foods such as flaxseeds and legumes are rich in phytoestrogens, which act as estrogen in the body. Adding some ground flaxseed to your morning yogurt parfait or tossing some protein-rich lentils into your lunchtime salad is a good place to start.
Omega-3 fatty acids are touted for numerous health benefits, and they can also help improve vaginal lubrication. Fatty fish such as salmon, and nuts and seeds such as walnuts and hemp seeds are some great sources to consider incorporating more regularly into your meals.
Mindset Shifts for Confident Connection
In addition to the products and natural remedies mentioned above, it would be amiss not to mention the mental component of sex during your perimenopausal and menopausal years. When you aren’t feeling 100%, it’s normal to feel less confident in your appearance. Many women may also feel like this stage of life is nearing the end, and as a result, may feel more down and have low energy.
Remembering that each life phase is a journey and acknowledging that the woman’s body is beautiful at every age can give you a confident boost. Being open with your partner about how you’re feeling and letting them know what they can do to improve your mood can bring you closer together. Maybe a small gift from your partner for a new lingerie set can help set the mood, or maybe turning off your devices and having a romantic dinner together can spark some intimacy.
Other ways to boost your confidence levels include investing more time in your self-care routines. Fueling your body with nutrient-rich foods, daily movement, and restful sleep can improve how you’re feeling. Practicing the art of reframing negative thoughts into positives also helps. Rather than thinking about how your body has changed, think about how much more wisdom you have now as opposed to your 20s.
Final Tips for Making Intimacy Enjoyable
Intimacy is meant to be fun, playful, and sometimes spontaneous. If you’re feeling stressed or anxious before sex, consider these few tips. First, break out of your routine. Experiment with being intimate in different places around the house, other than the bedroom. Light a new candle, play some music, and explore each other’s bodies slowly and deliberately.
Second, cultivate emotional intimacy before going straight to physical intimacy. Be vulnerable with each other, expressing your heart’s desires, and make the time for meaningful conversations regularly. These small acts can help reignite a spark and desire for one another.
And, if you’re feeling overly anxious or nervous about how you’re going to “perform” during sex, it may be worth speaking with a counselor or couples therapist. They can address how you’re currently feeling and provide individual suggestions.